So, as we risk life and limb trekking Wenceslas-like through drifts of snow to see in-laws and outlaws alike, it is also a time of family stress. Seemingly, there are more family fall outs over the Christmas period than any other time of the year. Whether this is due to unrealistic expectations of each other, over-indulgence in libation or merely the proximity of people we just don’t get along with - or a cocktail of all three - it can be a sobering time. Yes, ‘tis the season to be jolly but it can easily morph into the bleak mid winter.

Bereavement

Consider then, bereavement... how will you cope with the challenge of interacting with the same family in a time of crisis.

Following the heady days of Christmas, our thoughts turn to New Year’s Resolutions. Timely then, for good intentions to lose weight, exercise more, learn a foreign language or get our affairs in order.

There is, of course, nothing to prepare for emotional loss, but leaving an untidy estate compounds the grief and confusion a hundredfold.  For those left behind, carrying out simple tasks can be unbearable if matters are not clearly defined with family wrangles bringing untold misery for all parties.  

So what can we do to make death just that bit more manageable for our clients? Here are some suggestions to share which, although not a panacea, will undoubtedly help each of us to help those we love:

• Make a Will

Preferably with a solicitor. Seven out of ten people die without a Will in place leading to all manner of complications and delays in distributing the estate. Besides, who wants their life story dished out on Heir Hunters?

• Find Birth and Marriage Certificates, National Insurance and NHS numbers and keep them somewhere safe.

These are needed to register a death. Attempting to find these items in a jam-packed property whilst one is grief-stricken, is not an easy or pleasant task

• Write a Letter of Wishes

Address the personal and practical issues which will need to be dealt with. Consider ‘Last Orders’ if you either wish to dot the i’s or prompt someone else into action. I’m regularly told it’s an excellent icebreaker. It will cover the following....

• Choose the basics of a funeral

Few wish to consider this, but it does save family fall outs over the funeral format. Make a note of some of your favourite songs, hymns, poetry, readings. Choose religious -v- civil ceremony

• Consider burial -v- cremation

Burial: cemetery or woodland? Cremation: Do you want your ashes scattered or buried?

• Guardianship for your children

Leave instructions for their upbringing, education, religious practices.  Write them letters.

• Can your executors or spouse find your financial assets

Seems obvious, but STEP report that around 80% of spouses do not know where their partner’s assets are... Remember £15 billion of assets remain unclaimed

• Who is to distribute your belongings

Who is to receive what? We ALL have personal belongings which are financially worthless and therefore not in a Will.  Where are they to go?

• Consider organ donation

Help others after you have gone.

We all owe it to our loved ones to take care of them in any way we can, and if that entails carrying out that New Year’s Resolution which, although an uncomfortable process, will smooth matters along considerably for those you love, it is a worthy sacrifice to make. Averting in-house fallouts and easing tensions before they develop should be a huge incentive for us all ...And there is no greater legacy than leaving a happy family.

Merry Christmas!

© Patricia C Byron - Stellar Books

December 2011

Patricia C Byron is author of Last Orders; The Essential Guide to Your Letter of Wishes ISBN 978-0956508904

Available on Amazon http://tinyurl.com/3psr3lw 

www.lastorders.org

www.stellarbooks.co.uk