SPEAKERS' CORNER

RIPPING YARNS

October 2011

Recently, the late Jackie Kennedy’s audio tapes were aired on her time at the White House. In releasing the tapes, it suggests that the Kennedy family ignored her dying wishes that the tapes remain private for 50 years after her death in 1994.

Such disregard for the deceased’s wishes is not restricted to our colonial cousins. We all remember the shenanigans which surrounded Princess Diana’s Letter of Wishes. The executors of the Will, Diana’s mother Frances Shand Kydde, and her sister Lady Sarah McCorquodale applied to the High Court for permission to ignore Princess Diana’s wish that her 17 godchildren receive up to 25% of her goods and chattels. Rather than distribute valuable paintings, furniture and artefacts, the executors apparently gave them mere trinkets. (http://tinyurl.com/44v2egx)

Further still, on an episode of The Antiques Roadshow, a member of the public attempted to get a ring valued which had been her deceased aunt’s. Fine... except auntie had asked that the ring be buried with her. The niece thought differently, removed the ring, and then went on national television to get a valuation of it without a hint of awkwardness of how her actions could be perceived.

Am I alone in finding these examples disconcerting? And I cannot help but think less of those who have ignored a deceased’s wishes and then have the temerity to flout their actions publicly too. Apparently, I shouldn’t have such concerns. A counsellor on Radio 4 recently explained that funerals and decisions made after death should assist the living as the dead are no more and essentially, therefore, no longer count. I suspect that isn’t a sentiment to which everyone would fully espouse, but it may be an explanation as to why some feel free to act with impunity.

It would be easy to say it’s all about the money, but I recently heard of an acquaintance who had had a strong aversion to being buried in the family grave and expressed, vehemently, that he wished to be cremated instead. When the sad time came, the family ignored the chap’s wishes and plonked him in said family grave. Hardly resting in peace then.

So, a cocktail of executors who, although well acquainted with the deceased and their wishes, were either unconscionable, plain greedy or decided to overrule the deceased’s wishes because Executor Knows Best.

As the author of a book which deals with end of life issues, by stressing the importance of making a Will and writing Letter of Wishes, it prompted me to consider what actions any of us could take to leave a legacy less prone to being either ignored or abused.

TAKING STEPS...

The first thing is the most obvious: Make a Will using a solicitor and ensure that the Will is registered with Certainty. The distribution of one’s estate is a legal issue and therefore less likely to be meddled with and equally importantly, once registered the Will can be traced.
In making the Will, it raises a crucial issue: the choosing of executors, the importance of which is rarely stressed enough. Executors are the representatives who will ultimately carry out the wishes of the deceased when the time comes and who one chooses can be the difference between the smooth administration of an estate and a battlefield.

Ideally one should choose people who are morally sound, essentially decent and therefore more likely to adhere to one’s wishes. So if you think you may have appointed wayward executors who will ignore and abuse your last wishes, my thoughts would be to choose a solicitor to act as a co-executor. Ditto if your wishes are particularly contentious. Hang the cost.
Pre-arrange and pay for your funeral. Not only will the funeral be at today’s prices, but the service will not be at the mercy of family and executors as the planner can choose the format of the funeral in terms of music, readings, and between either lavish or modest, religious or civil, cremation or burial.

Whilst on the subject of funerals, it would be an opportune time to choose one’s resting place if one’s wish is to be buried. Families even pull rank over which cemetery the deceased should be buried in, so the purchase of a grave ahead of time avoids that potential.
The distribution of belongings often brings disagreement and underhandedness to the fore. Deciding where items of significance should end up may well be an onerous task, but if you find it difficult, consider how an unwitting executor would deal with matters after the event when emotions are running high. So, consider bequeathing items which are valuable and/or prone to being the subject of dishonest or unfair dealings in your Will. That way, they are more likely to go to the persons you wanted. Items of little financial but huge sentimental value, can be given away at any time before death.
Lastly, complete a Letter of Wishes to accompany your Will. It may not be the panacea we would wish for, but if your executors are the people you believe them to be, possessing the necessary qualities, they will adhere to those wishes. Few decent people wish to handle the unending guilt or have their conscience pricked ad infinitum.

SUMMARY

At the end of the day, we are all at the mercy and the whims of those we leave behind. Executors have a huge role to play, which is why the choosing of them is of paramount importance and should be considered with great prudence.

The examples above show human nature with all its frailties and flaws. Whilst it may paint a bleak picture, demonstrating little concern for the person the executors promised to serve, it is widely acknowledged that last wishes are generally adhered to wherever possible. By dealing with as many issues as we can ahead of time, we will all be more likely to have the ending we wish for.